McDonald’s
I was applying for a job at McDonald’s, and working with old NYTD people. The person reviewing my resume was impressed, but didn’t see any actual restaurant experience. I explained that I forgot to list it, and started saying “I worked as a cook for three years in college, and I took classes at the French Culinary Institute!” which I immediately realized would put me into the even-more-dreaded category: overqualified.
Banana Republic
I was walking through a Banana Republic, when a black family appeared, trying to get some help to buy shoes. The sales woman, also black, told the family to wait a minute and she’d be with them. The mother in the family went nuts, storming about unfair treatment, and headed for the door. The saleswoman walked up to her, explaining patiently that she was helping someone out first, and that it would only be a few minutes and then she’d be able to help the family. She said it such a kind, patient and compassionate way that soon the whole store was watching the exchange. The mother, embarrassed, started crying in shame and many of the customers, including me, felt that we had behaved similarly at some point to a salesperson, and began crying in sympathy. When the saleswoman was finished, everyone in the store applauded her.
Soundtrack: “Hi, My Name is Ray and Yesterday My Daughter Called Me”
Searching
I’m chasing locations on an old map so I can perform magical rites before appearing as Elvis in Times Square. As we find each place, we fall to our knees as if before god. We’re searching in a field, running over the hills. Nancy, Lisa, Sarah and Dave are there.
Soundtrack: Aspects of Love – “The Last Man You Remember”
David Bowie
I’m standing in a multicolored room with David Bowie, trying to name all the specific colors: cerulean, indian blue, etc. We are talking about Iman and how cool she is.
Working for Martha
I’m trying to get a job working for Martha Stewart. I’m feeding a goat to a bobcat. I fold a bloody American flag and try to put it correctly in front of her office door. She asks me, in french, when I want to go, “avant de termination.” “I can tell you want to work for me,” she says, “but there’s a lot you have to do, first.”
Soundtrack: Matt Alber – End of the World
Liev Schreiber
I’m sharing an apartment with Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts. Liev has tattoos on his shoulder. The two of them have a tap dance routing. Guests come in from Germany and we read aloud from a children’s book. We are trying to make arrangements to put on a fashion show. Italians show up and one woman tries to take over; she tries to reassure us by repeating, “Va bene…va bene.”
Emergency Room
I’m walking the streets of New York City, taking pictures of passersby. I’m getting amazing shots; gritty, semi-blurry black and white shots that are full of emotion. I’m walking down a street where people are fenced in by the police, and I ignore where I’m supposed to walk. A crane is swinging a ball and hook around, and it catches my shoelace. I’m dragged around, and my left shin gets gashed wide open. I’m bleeding, and wrapping paper towels around it to stop the bleeding. I try to go to the ER, but no one will help me because I don’t have insurance. I find my little sister, who is black, and I have to yell at her because she won’t pay attention to my story, about how hard I’m working just to support her. I show her my wound and she cries.
Soundtrack: “Saving All My Love for You” – Whitney Houston
Diane Arbus
I am at Diane Arbus’s house in the Hamptons. We are trying to edit her last portraits together. A man trying to sell me insurance enters. He is older, but attractive, and I am trying to seduce him. He is being coy, but wants to sleep with me, too.
A pigeon flies into the room, and I have to find a sheet to catch it and get it outside. Then, there are four pigeons in the house. I’m in David K’s bedroom, and we have to hurry to get to a play that Grant is in.
I am reading a poem on the side of a Coke can, and realize it’s Diane’s. I tell her I think it’s very good, and that I’m not just saying that because she’s still alive. She says, “Yes, you are.” I am forced to agree.
Soundtrack: “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart
Drag
I’m coaching a performer in a drag show, but then I find out that I have to perform in it. My act goes on stage, and I’m sitting in the audience in a very black, steeply-raked theater. My performer’s amazing and I’m up next, with no idea what I’m going to perform or how.
Soundtrack: Cover Girl (Put the Bass in Your Walk), Rupaul
Shoot
Planning a shoot with Keith Long and John Grimwade. They want to see my design process. I joke that this design is so easy, and start flipping through a magazine, which makes them laugh. I start sketching. Naked boys are walking down a runway, then sit cross legged on the side, watching the other boys walk down.
